Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Still Going, Still Smiling

Love or fate or life (or whatever you want to call it) is such a fragile and fickle emotion.  One second it has you and the next, you're a goner.  The good news is that you can take a swing right back at it and proclaim, "I'm still here.  What else you got?"  In the end though, you must still be able to stand (quite literally in my case!).  You are plum out of luck if not. 

I have learned in my many travels (on this journey if you will) that if that's the way it is, then so be it.  Love can be ever so fragile.  I guess because you don't know what you have until you've lost it.  And let me tell you, it can be ever so hard to lose. 

In my case, I have found that really one of the hardest things when dealing with people I care about is showing them that I am not any different.  I've had to prove that I really am just as smart, just with a brain injury.  I guess not everyone with a TBI is so lucky though.  I really do feel like everybody thinks of me differently now.  But oh that is not true!  When I look at people who think this (of course I have to shrug my shoulders first), it can be so damaging and hurtful.  Period.  The only thing I can do is take it for what it is though. 

But one thing that really gets under my skin are cry babies over stupid stuff.  I have never cried once in my journey - never once and trust me, I got the short end of the stick to say the least. 

To be honest and I think I'm finally getting to my point, I feel like I've come out of this whole ordeal smarter than I was before.  I was forced to realize how fragile life is.  "It is what it is, you can cry about it all you want, but that really doesn't change anything."  There, you can quote me on that!  ha!

The only relief I have found is even at my lowest point imaginable, I have still had a smile on my goofy face. It really is always present.  Some of us take advantage of our lives.  It's just a plain fact.  You will never see this lazy dog brush off another day like he once did.  Instead you will see me taking advantage of every breath.  Living life to complete exhilaration and complete fullness. 

I hope you will do the same.

Oh yeah, I have proof of all of my smiling.  My aunt told me ya'll like seeing pictures, so here goes. 

This picture was at Thanksgiving 2010 - almost five months after the accident.  I could barely hold my head up on my own, but I was mustering up a smile (and a thumbs up). 
I was at Texas Neuro in Austin:
 Smiling on my birthday (six months after the accident):
 Here I am with Grandmother at CNS in Dallas in April ONE year ago.  Notice the smile. 
 Yep, I had a mohawk at CNS. 
Of course smiling with my family:
At the Ice House:
 Smiling AND Standing:
Some days I have more reason to smile than other days:
At church:
 Even smiling at therapy!

Still going.  Still smiling. 

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