Thursday, December 20, 2012

A Birthday and Your Prayers

Thank you to everybody that has been praying for me.  I had my swallow study test this morning.  I witnessed but a glimpse of His work.  I can eat some of Grandmother's mashed potatoes for Christmas.  What a great feeling, but it's just a taste of the miracle He has and will continue to perform through me over the next few years. 

So Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night or something or other.  LOL.  It's really hard having your birthday so close to Christmas.  Mine is ten days after, but Mom's is five days before.  It's today.  It's a bit difficult asking for what you want with your birthday practically being Christmas.  My mom has done a lot for me.  I figured a blog post on her birthday was the very least I could do.  It's really unfair how much of her life that she has sacrificed for me.  I am completely indebted to her.  My mom has such a young girl's spirit.  I love and appreciate her very much. 

Happy Birthday, Mom!

Friday, November 9, 2012

Good for the Heart

Since I've been back in Waco, some individuals have been outstandingly nice and overly gracious with their time.  Sometimes sacrificing almost everything so I will achieve my goal.  I wish there were more people, my age, that would do this.  Apparently it's good for the heart and soul to give like this.  I was never that way, but I should have been. 

Knowing that there are some people out there who give so much, really just giving so I can succeed, brings me joy in looking forward to better days.  "There on the horizon and quickly approaching..."

Everyone should be good like this.  The world would be a much friendlier place. 

Just a pic of me WALKING (with
my Uncle Troy following).  This was taken
in September.  I'm even walking better now. 

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

A Video of My Two Years

This is a video of my two year journey. I am not a weak person, but this video makes me want to cry every time I watch it. It's like watching someone else because I can't remember one scene. If there are still doubters about God, there won't be any after seeing this video. In fact, if somebody mentions not believing in God after watching it, I don't know what I'll do. But it will not be good. haha 

I have watched it maybe 300 times.  It still astounds me that was me. 

http://animoto.com/play/a9QN1lNjuhnl1TtsoTA8bA

Sunday, August 5, 2012

A Preview of "Darkest Hour"

This is a preview of a book I've been writing for a long time.  It's a very dark Stephen King-ish type story.  This is the first part of Chapter 1.  I'm not sure if I'll share more or not.  It's not finished although I do hope to finish it someday and have it published.  Hope you like. 

Darkest Hour
Chapter 1
By Travis Bigham 


     The night had grown calm over the seemingly deserted city, the air foul with decay. The rough wind barely blowing was hot and uncomfortable on the skin; only the damage of a dying world could produce such a stench. Rubble and debris lay strewn across every street of the massive city, merely a glimpse of the chaos which had reigned down ever harder with each passing day. Only the bravest of souls ventured out into its corrupt passageways passed nightfall, and not one was anything more than a petty criminal. No birds chirped, children laughed, or dogs barked within the crippled city, the only noise came from underground bars and nightclubs scattered across the web of streets. Young, old, poor, or rich, it didn’t matter, nearly everyone would be consumed by the drugs they love so much by midnight, leaving little hope that half the remaining population would still be left alive when the sun rose. It had become a dark time for our eccentric species; just another blink in our once great history.
     Through the haze and smoke of the streets, a menacing figure slowly appeared. A long dark cloak tickled the ground at the man’s feet, hood pulled low to cover his face. He was a being of un-stabling presence, the air around him very nearly crackling with electricity. Moving with a purpose that few would dare to confront, he walked slowly towards the entrance of one of the few upper class clubs still around. The bar was beneath a dilapidated hotel, once a dime in the cities’ pocket, the basement a perfect haven for the worst of acts. Above the entrance, swinging from side to side in the suffocating air, the sign read “Alpha”; yet even with its’ higher class name, it never ceased to bring in the lowliest of characters.
     As the man moved closer, a troop of five guards stepped out of the shadows to meet him. It was not uncommon for people to hide who they were when entering the bar, politicians and bureaucrats did so on many such nights, but something about this particular visitor seemed to put the doormen on edge. Towering over the guards, the man stopped as he reached them, watching with a smile as their hands moved slowly to the pistols on their belts.
     “I’m sorry sir,” the obvious leader of the five held out a hand, “but tonight is a private party.”
     “But of course,” the man answered, his voice deep and calm, but menacing never the less, “Mr. Laveyor invited me himself.”
     “Well then sir you just need your invitation to get..”
     “Ahh yes,” a slight chuckle rose up into his voice as he cut the guard off, “the invitation, forgive me. Now where did I put it?”
     The guards tightened their grips on their pistols as the man searched within his cloak; the muscular arms that were now apparent did not look as if they belonged to a man who should be fooled with. But as he seemed to finally find what he was looking for the guards relaxed slightly, perhaps he was just another guest who was running late.
     “Here it is,” the visitor exclaimed, the smile on his face growing ever larger.
     Holding out his hand as if he was holding something very thin between his fingers, the head guard frowned as he watched. Surprisingly though, he reached out to take the non-existent invitation, holding it in front of his face to read it. While all of his surrounding co-workers looked over his shoulder to see, none of them seemed to notice anything unusual either.
     “Alright then,” the guard made to hand it back, “my apologies sir.”
     “Not at all, merely doing your job as we all must,” the man answered, swooping past them towards the doorway.
     “Sir, your invitation?” the guard held his hand up in the air, still oblivious to the fact that nothing was there.
     “Keep it,” his laugh filled the stairway as he descended, sending a chill down the men’s spine.
     Low music and subtle lights filled the large room, smoke from all kinds of burning paraphernalia billowing through the crowd like water. Here and there woman danced on solitary poles and cages, men ogling up at them lustfully. Moving towards a booth in the darkest corner, the man’s piercing eyes scanned the line of faces for his prey. As he sat down, he locked on to whom he was looking, a smile reappearing on his face. With excessive care he pulled a small leather pouch from within his cloak, laying it out onto the table in front of him. As he unfolded it, a small container and a sheaf of small rectangular papers appeared. Sitting back, the man relaxed as he worked quietly, calmly waiting for his friend to notice his arrival.
     At a table close by, the most powerful man in the room sat enjoying himself immensely; with a multitude of women around him, and a host of drugs and cash scattered before him. On all four sides of the table stood bodyguards, powerful automatic weapons obvious beneath their suit jackets. The man whom they were protecting, the women seducing, and the drugs enlightening was one of the most feared in the world; known as Tom Laveyor. As one of the lead Commanders of the American Republic, here was a man who could quite literally do anything and get away with it without a second thought. Although someone in such a position would normally have an untouched reputation for the public, he was more commonly known as a worldwide mass murderer.
     Leaning back as one of his personal assistants approached, Laveyor listened intently to the man’s report.
     “Sir, we have a guest, I tried to get a good look at him, but he is masking his appearance.”
     “Great,” Laveyor sighed in complete annoyance, “where is he?”
     “In the back corner,” the assistant nodded towards it. “But he is nearly invisible in the darkness my lord.”
     Indeed the man was barely visible within his dark cloak, as if the very shadows themselves covered and wrapped him lovingly. Squinting into the corner, Laveyor watched as a match was lit in between the ominious man’s lips. As he watched, the light produced struck Laveyor cold, the eyes visible for only a few seconds making his heart skip a beat. It was obvious that the man in the corner had been staring straight at him, only furthering his fear as Laveyor recognized him.
     “How did he get in?” Laveyors’ voice nearly cracked as he spoke, the pitch higher than normal.
     “He had an invitation, my lord, the guards said he was very polite but had made them feel uneasy,” the assistant answered quietly, holding out his hand just as the visitor had done with the guards, “here it is.”
     Laveyors’ eyes lit up in frantic confusion and insanity as he looked at the man’s empty hand, cringing away from the invisible object as if he was causing him unbearable pain.  “There’s nothing there you idiot! Can’t you see it’s a trick?!” Laveyors’ voice now broke wildly, his guards growing alarmed, “Get it away from me!”
     The messenger fled quickly, not wishing for an unpleasant result to the reaction he had received from his news. Knocking his chair backwards as he stood, Laveyor grabbed his head bodyguard to whisper into his ear fiercely.
     “That man in the corner, I want you to take him out back and put a bullet in his head,” he rattled out, obviously on the brink of utter loss of himself.
     “Yes sir, I’ll take care of it myself,” the massive man answered.
     “No Liles, take Miller and Sampson with you, you’re going to need help,” he whispered back crazily.
     “I doubt it, but I will do as you ask.” .......

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Speech

Not eating and not talking is very depressing especially because I spent the first 21 years of my life doing so.  In fact, doing A LOT of both those things.  I never dreamt it would be this hard to lose.  It always just came naturally, like everything else in this relatively simple world.  Take it from me, don’t take even the simple things in life for granted. 

It really worries me that my epiglottis doesn’t close over my windpipe.  If we can’t figure that out, then my eating is a lost cause.  If that’s the case then I will be eternally lost and depressed.  But surely God won’t abandon me like that. 

So, I started the Baylor Speech Program last week.  I go four days a week for an hour and fifteen minutes each time.  I gotta say, this program is pretty legit.  Having to do all this to talk and eat again is long and grueling, but this I promise you, I will never give up. 

My speech therapist is cool.  I have to do a lot of breathing exercises.  I never realized what all is involved when you talk and swallow.  The Baylor people seemed surprised and optimistic that I can already make sounds.  I am working on “hi” and “mom”.  Take it from someone who knows from trial and error that not everything is as easy as it seems.  BUT I look at it this way, if you’re not ready to get up and take on new challenges, then it’s simple, don’t get up! 

 As we set out on this journey of my story ~ me learning to talk and eat again ~ let’s just make sure we are completely ready for the winding path ahead:  check off the buckled boots and after that we can pretty much just go and figure it all out as we go.  I do wanna thank everyone who has been praying for me. 

My first day at Baylor...
 I had a bit of an entourage
that first day...
 Of course the Storm showed up...
 Another day at speech...
 DURING therapy...
 Today with Hunter before speech...

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Horseback Riding

Even though you may have thought that was the last you would hear from me, you thought wrong.  I am filled with a new fire of hope, after recently reading how many people were there for me at my darkest hour. 

So here I go again with this blog...today's topic:  horseback riding.  This is something I have been doing at REACH Therapeutic Riding Center on Saturdays (at Camp Hope).  Horseback riding is very helpful with your balance.  It also strengthens a speech muscle in your back (I heard that somewhere).  Makes sense as I've been making more unintentional and even some intentional sounds lately, but that's for a whole other post.  I mostly ride a horse named Simon.  In fact, I would like to thank Simon and all the nice people that work at REACH.  They say I have such a natural instinct for riding.  Everyone at Camp Hope is so nice. 

Horseback riding is great for your abdominals as well as balance and coordination.  All of this is supremely beneficial for me because it really helps me to regain my feet again.  You won't believe how far I have come on walking.  Fate (or whatever you want to call it) thought it could hold this mammoth down, but this titan was never faced with a challenge that couldn't be broken with a little GO attitude. 

Let's bring it on back to the matter at hand which is horseback riding.  At all times I have a group of people surrounding me.  For safety reasons, they do all they can to keep me on the horse.  And that, if you've ever ridden a horse, can be difficult with how much they move.  It's almost like riding a bucking bronco sometimes, but that doesn't scare me!;)  It's an epic adventure always.  And so awesome for my balance issues. 

Like I said, the nice people at REACH think I'm a natural at riding a horse - almost like a fish.  Mostly like a fish that has refound water.  So, REACH realized I should be the one representing them in a horse show.  I got first and second place, how about them apples?  This is something I've never done competitively, but still got awards.  I am thankful for this place helping me to reach my goals.

Last, horseback riding is really great for your six pack.  IF you can handle that kind of attention from the ladies, then try it.  ha;)







Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Still Going, Still Smiling

Love or fate or life (or whatever you want to call it) is such a fragile and fickle emotion.  One second it has you and the next, you're a goner.  The good news is that you can take a swing right back at it and proclaim, "I'm still here.  What else you got?"  In the end though, you must still be able to stand (quite literally in my case!).  You are plum out of luck if not. 

I have learned in my many travels (on this journey if you will) that if that's the way it is, then so be it.  Love can be ever so fragile.  I guess because you don't know what you have until you've lost it.  And let me tell you, it can be ever so hard to lose. 

In my case, I have found that really one of the hardest things when dealing with people I care about is showing them that I am not any different.  I've had to prove that I really am just as smart, just with a brain injury.  I guess not everyone with a TBI is so lucky though.  I really do feel like everybody thinks of me differently now.  But oh that is not true!  When I look at people who think this (of course I have to shrug my shoulders first), it can be so damaging and hurtful.  Period.  The only thing I can do is take it for what it is though. 

But one thing that really gets under my skin are cry babies over stupid stuff.  I have never cried once in my journey - never once and trust me, I got the short end of the stick to say the least. 

To be honest and I think I'm finally getting to my point, I feel like I've come out of this whole ordeal smarter than I was before.  I was forced to realize how fragile life is.  "It is what it is, you can cry about it all you want, but that really doesn't change anything."  There, you can quote me on that!  ha!

The only relief I have found is even at my lowest point imaginable, I have still had a smile on my goofy face. It really is always present.  Some of us take advantage of our lives.  It's just a plain fact.  You will never see this lazy dog brush off another day like he once did.  Instead you will see me taking advantage of every breath.  Living life to complete exhilaration and complete fullness. 

I hope you will do the same.

Oh yeah, I have proof of all of my smiling.  My aunt told me ya'll like seeing pictures, so here goes. 

This picture was at Thanksgiving 2010 - almost five months after the accident.  I could barely hold my head up on my own, but I was mustering up a smile (and a thumbs up). 
I was at Texas Neuro in Austin:
 Smiling on my birthday (six months after the accident):
 Here I am with Grandmother at CNS in Dallas in April ONE year ago.  Notice the smile. 
 Yep, I had a mohawk at CNS. 
Of course smiling with my family:
At the Ice House:
 Smiling AND Standing:
Some days I have more reason to smile than other days:
At church:
 Even smiling at therapy!

Still going.  Still smiling. 

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Easter 2012

 I hope you all had a great Easter. 
I was with my family.  Gotta love the fam!
We laugh so much. 
My Grandmother thought that my metal pill
crusher was a can opener the last time
I was over there.  THIS time, she came
around the corner and saw it on her counter
and thought the handles on her sink
had broken.  We probably won't let her
live this one down.  I'm glad we can laugh
about things.  In fact, that's one thing
I've been able to do pretty easily since
I woke up from the coma.  Well, not
right away, but I've haven't had to
re-learn how to laugh again. 
My family definitely keeps me laughing.

So the picture above was from Sunday.
It's all the cousins on my mom's side
except for Macy (she couldn't come
home from Texas State). 
I missed my counterpart.  

The picture below is from last Easter
(I'm with my little cousins who
I like to call THE STORM).
This picture was about nine
months after the accident.  At that time,
I couldn't stand on my own at all.  
It took two people to help me move
from my wheel chair to another chair.
In fact, I could hardly do much of anything for myself.  
It's unbelievable how far I've come.
It's like fate (or whatever you want 
to call it) took a swing at me,
but look who's standing now (LITERALLY). 
I have much to be thankful for in my life.
I hope you had a great Easter
and I hope you laughed a lot, too.  

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Close that Refrigerator Door!

It really is such a sad and lonely world around us. I say this not because of the life I lived but more importantly the life I should have lived. Over my seemingly endless journey of all the brain injury clinics across the state of Texas that was set before me, I took one thing away: you can't give into our cold and lonely world. I have seen and heard things that I wish I never had. After reading this, you may understand why I view this world the way I do.

I really can't forget many of the fellow patients I've met along the way. I am not the only one whose life has taken a drastic, unexpected turn. For some of us in this world there is a little betrayer we call life or better yet fate.  Fate really is like a seductive little mistress, it can have you completely one second, but in the next you won't even know how you got there.  When you take the time to actually think about it, life is all very miscombobulated (you might have to look that one up in the Urban dictionary!). 

Life really is like a never ending staircase, it just keeps going and going and going.  In my travels across the state of Texas, I have come across some very particular and somewhat amusing individuals.  Many of you have asked me to write about the different brain injury rehabilitation facilities I've been in and so that's what I'm doing today.  I'll start by talking about some of the other TBI patients I've come across.  I certainly didn't know this world existed and I bet you didn't either.  These centers are filled with people like me whose lives have been changed forever because of a brain injury.  And in most instances, their entire families' lives are changed forever as well. 


First we have a former Hawaiian Tropic model who was a patient in one city.  She was, well, very pretty in her former life.  Judging by the pictures which donned her wall, she could have been a super model if fate had not stepped in. Fate, that old temptress.  This poor girl would literally holler at all hours of the day just because she was hungry and could never feel full. It was horrid to listen to her screams all day long and night. She couldn't help it though.  She couldn't move at all and her mind was nothing like what it used to be.
 
At another facility I met a patient who was an awesome football player on the college level. Unfortunately his savage brain injury made him repeat age two.  He might not ever be more than a two year old.  Life can be ever so frigid.  It's like I wanna say, "Hey man, who left the refrigerator door wide open?"

There was another really great looking guy who was trying to help someone one night and ended up getting beat to the point of a traumatic brain injury.  This guy lost everything - his voice, his ability to move - his entire life.  All you can probably imagine or see is the big picture of what people like us have lost.  There are so many aspects of daily living that we've lost, too.  Ya know, the little things you would never think about.  Yes, if you didn't know it yet...fate can be evil.  But you can't let it win. 

Finally there is the lonesome, aspring author and that would be me.  I've lost my voice and my most valued friends, but not my mind and not my undeserving family.  It would seem that what each of us TBI patients prized most, we lost.

Luckily I've learned that sometimes you just have to turn that frown upside down. To give it back just as much as it has been given to you. That's what I've been trying to do every day since I woke from my almost four month long coma. To laugh hysterically right in that little demon's face is a joy that few people have the opportunity to do.  I can't wallow.  In fact, I won't wallow in this ever so frigid world.  Bound and determined is what I am.  And I give credit where credit is due - to God.  So please do me a favor and make my journey a little more worthwhile: count your blessings today - big and small. 

I haven't ever really tried my hand at writing for the public, so I hope this is all good.  And seriously, it really is a bit nippy in here.  "Who left the refrigerator door wide open?" 

Here I am a week or so after
the accident at Hillcrest in the Surgical ICU...
This was in Temple at LTAC
(Long Term Acute Care)...
three or so weeks after the accident.
This was my first week at
Texas Neuro in Austin.
I was moved there on August 16th
(the accident was July 25th).
I was still very much in a coma,
but they would dress me and
have me do "therapy".
Here I am with my mom
in February (almost seven months after)...
This picture was taken at
the Center for Neuro Skills in Irving.
I was flown to Dallas on Feb. 14, 2011...
about seven months after my accident.
I made a lot of progress at CNS.
On November 27, 2011, I was moved
to RIOSA in San Antonio. 
This is me with my dad on the day I left.
I didn't last very long at RIOSA...
it was awful.  I came back to
Waco mid-January.
And here I am today...
(with my cousin Walker)
at Sr. Care of Hewitt.
This is a brief stay (or it was supposed
to be) before my house is ready.
I've come along way, wouldn't you say?
So, I had a horrid brain injury.  I'm making the
best of it.  Shouldn't you with your life? 
Otherwise what have I accomplished?

Monday, March 5, 2012

How I Got Here

I bet some of you thought that my accident was the last you had to see of me.  No such luck on that!  I am faced now with the problem of how to get back to everyday life.  So, how did I actually get here?  As close as I can recall, my buddy and I (then and now) were signed up as strippers (sorry ladies, but I'm willing to bet those pics were destroyed!) for a bachelorette party dressed as bad boy cowboys, gun belt and all, on the prowl for a little rough but fun-filled night on the streets.  Sorry, now I'm rambling...ha ha.  Why didn't you say so?  Gotta give me a chance with this blogging thing.  I have always loved to write and I certainly need some form of an outlet these days, so I'm hoping this is it.  You can even earn money running ads for Google on these blogs.  And to be honest, I'd love to make some money.  I do have some plans in my future. 

Well, back to that night...my buddy and I ended up in a terrible accident.  Obviously we were up to no good and the end result is now my life.  I don't remember much of the actual accident, but I do know we hit a tree at a high rate of speed.  I was the passenger and my injuries were extensive.  I was incubated at the scene and nobody thought I would even make it to the hospital alive.  Maybe I'll write more about all that another day. 

You see for most of the time since I suffered this accident, I have felt remarkably helpless.  In July it will be two years that I have been pretty much out of the loop.  Almost two years sitting in a room with four walls unable to walk, talk or eat on my own.  I intend to share what all I've been through with you, maybe even share some of my writings with you, let you in on some things I've learned and take you along for what I hope to be the last leg of this journey. 

 July 2010...

February 2011...